How Familiar is this to You? Flattery, Intimacy and Imitation

Book 1: Chapter 8. Shunning Too Much Familiarity



Too Familiar!

 In this chapter, Thomas discusses familiarity in the sense of being overly familiar in situations that are better avoided. It’s that notion of avoiding the near-occasion of sin. Rather, we should guard our hearts and secrets. Thomas spends a few sentences on flattery – which is a concept related to imitation, isn’t it? Oftentimes flattery is false and disingenuous, whereas imitation is a true attempt at faithful mimicry. The language in this chapter was challenging in that it did not lend itself to direct equivalencies....luckily, Thomas gave us some biblical references to get a grip on what he was trying to teach us!

“Open not your heart readily to any man ”(Sirach 8:19), but handle your affairs with those who are wise and fear God.


Keep regular company with mature people but not with strangers.

Do not be a flatterer with the rich, nor willingly appear before the great.

Associate yourself with the humble and the simple, with the devout and the virtuous and deal with those things which edify one another (Rom 14:19).

Do not be overly familiar with a person of the opposite sex, but recommend them in their goodness, to God.

Therefore, desire to be familiar only with God and His angels, and avoid the acquaintance of others.

And from here, Thomas takes us int the next logical step, that of distinguishing charity from familiarity. But again, when we over-do it, people see through the flattery and this ruins their otherwise good reputation.

2. We must have charity for all, but familiarity is not advisable.

It sometimes happens that a person, when not know, shines by a good reputation, who, when he is present, is disagreeable to them that sees him.


We think sometimes to please others by being with them; and we begin, rather to disgust them by the evil behavior which they discover in us.

Thanks for praying with me.

Until next time, be Imitators of Christ!

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tim